Done with New Year’s Resolutions

Well it’s that time of year again. New Year’s Resolutions! I’ll be the first to admit, I love setting goals and New Year’s for goal setters is like Christmas for little kids. Time to flex those goal setting muscles, right? Time to encourage all your friends to set lofty goals and “really mean them” this time, right?

Well… I’m done.

I have nothing against resolutions, I’ve been making them for years now but this year I’m quitting them. I could give you a thousand reasons why they do or don’t work and we could spend all day getting into the psychology of goal setting but I’m not going to do that either. Here is the one sentence reason I’m not doing them.

I did them, they didn’t work for me, so I’m stopping.

Simple as that. Maybe they work for you, maybe they don’t, but years of trial and error have shown that my brain cares as much about New Year’s Resolutions as it does about the WNBA.

This got me thinking… why did it take me so long to come to this conclusion? All you have to do is scroll back through my previous blog posts and you’ll see “December 2009 – Dave is psyched about his 2010 resolutions!!!”. Same thing in 2008, and 2007. I guess we all have this habit of doing things just for the sake of doing them. We make New Year’s Resolutions so we can make New Year’s Resolutions. We work so we can say we “worked”. Why? If I was a football coach and I called a play for the running back to get the ball and run off the right-tackle, and the back didn’t gain any yards, then I called the play again, and again, and AGAIN, still with the same result, I’d get fired and you would think I was insane (or coached for the Chargers). This post isn’t about not making New Year’s Resolutions, it’s about stopping habits that don’t do anything for us.

I guess you could say that my New Year’s Resolution is to stop making New Year’s Resolutions. Hey you know what? That might be the first resolution I actually keep.

Stop Trying to Save Money

I’ll be honest here, I don’t consider myself “good at saving money”.  After talking to a lot of people and giving them the “you should save money” advice, I’ve decided to change my tune.  How realistic is that we just change our ways and start saving more money?  It’s not.  Here’s something better.

Invest in yourself.

One of the things I’ve been able to do in the last 5 years is take the money I’ve made and invest in myself.  As a Navy officer I made enough money to live comfortably and spend money on the side.  Instead of buying expensive toys I paid for voice lessons.  Instead of spending money on nightlife, I paid a manager to help guide my career.  Especially in the last 2 or 3 years, I didn’t save much money, but I did spend a lot of money on things that would benefit me in the long run.  Is that to say that I didn’t have fun?  No way.  I prefer spending instead of saving, and by spending on things that would benefit me, I was not letting the money burn a hole in my pocket.

Buy some books, hire a coach, take some classes.  Your stock will go up, buy it now and get the rewards later.

 

You’re on your own

Here I go again on my own,

Goin down the only road I’ve ever known

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.

I’ve made up my mind,

I ain’t wastin no more time,

Here I go again.


The past two weeks I had the pleasure of training at Septien Entertainment Group in Dallas, TX. SEG brings in the most talented and driven musicians from around the country and trains them to be stars in the music business.

Aside from the amazing coaching going on and the talent level of the artists, I was surprised by how many young kids were there. When I learned more I found out that they have a masters program where you can audition and be selected for a 9 month or longer program that gives students a comprehensive training package to get them ready for bigger opportunities in the music business. Many of these masters students were 15 or 16 years old and although a few of them were local to the Dallas area, many of them had packed up and moved to Dallas and are now living on their own, working on a career in music. After hearing a few of their stories I was really inspired by their sense of independence at such a young age. It’s always been something I’ve felt. One girl named Jordana left South Africa at age 16 to come to the US and pursue a music career (she’s now 19 and a masters student at SEG). When I asked her how that was she said it was tough, because her parents were very involved in her life, so much so that she hadn’t really learned many of the skills she needed to survive on her own. With a smile, she said “I didn’t even know how to boil water, I had to learn everything.”

From what I’ve learned, there are two types of people when it comes to personal independence. The first kind of person reads that last statement and thinks, “gosh, that must have been terrible having to learn everything on your own”, the second reads that and thinks, “that’s amazing, what an incredible and exciting opportunity”.

I’m lucky. For whatever reason, I’m the second person. Maybe my parents tied my shoes for me one too many times or maybe they did just enough to give me a taste of what it’s like to figure things out for yourself, who knows. All I know is I LOVE that feeling. I’m sure you recognized the song I quoted above.

Here I go again on my own, going down the only road I’ve ever known.

What a powerful line. For most of us who can identify with Jordana and myself, independence feels more like destiny than just an option in the game of life. Like Frodo carrying the ring to Mordor, we may be supported by others, but the burden is ours, and that’s the only way we’d ever want it.

You’re on your own. Go get em.

Get What You WANT

Going out and getting what you want is better than accepting what comes. One of the amazing things that has made my life wonderful is a paradigm that I adopted a few years ago. I believe that all the GREAT things in my life have been the result of ME going out and getting them, as opposed to them falling into my lap. I used to be the kind of guy that just let things happen to him, but I noticed that even though I was happy, I wasn’t getting what I wanted and I wasn’t getting things on MY terms. This applied to business, work, music and women.

The truly great opportunities in life don’t need to come knocking on your door, and they won’t. Your choice is to be the kind of person who accepts what is given or goes out and get what she wants. Do the former and you’ll leave the great opportunities for people like me.

Go out and get what you want, that’s when you experience the best things in life.

Things I Wish They Told Me at The Naval Academy

Ok… for those folks wondering, before I adopted the luxurious lifestyle of an entrepreneur & dating coach with no alarm clock, I spent 5 years as an officer in the Navy, along with 4 years at the Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD (where I had many alarm clocks). This is a list I started 5 years ago and I’m happy to say that after much input and editing, I narrowed my list to 38 ideas, lessons learned and general good advice. Many of these are principles of leadership that can apply in any occupation, I hope you enjoy reading them.

***Update: November 3, 2010.  As of this date, this post has been read by over 10,000 people, and has connected me with everyone from parents to air force & army officers to friends of the Naval Academy family.  I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity to inspire others, thanks to those who shared this post with so many friends.  I can be reached by email at davebooda@gmail.com or on facebook.  Good luck in the fleet!

Things I Wish They Told Me at USNA

By Dave Boodakian, 29th Company c/o 2005

1. Service selection is less about the job and more about the people you’ll be around. Instead of asking what it’s like to fly a jet or drive a ship ask yourself what it’s like to work with pilots and ship drivers.

2. If you like all work and no play, go subs.

3. Don’t become a Nuke SWO for the money.

3A. DO NOT become a Nuke SWO for the money.

4. In the Navy, Jet pilots are uptight and helo pilots are laid-back, in the Marines, the opposite is true. No one knows why, but it’s true.

5. Don’t let anyone know you are getting out until you drop the letter, no matter how much you want to talk about it.

6. Picking Nofolk over San Diego is like turning down a one night stand with Jessica Alba, don’t be silly.

7. If you choose Japan, be prepared to spend most of your tour out to sea.

8. Be extremely generous with your Navy cash card. The sodas and snacks you buy for your people will go a long way.

9. Once a week, pull one of your Sailors/Marines aside and talk with the sole intention of telling him/her how much you appreciate what he/she does. This one act, done with consistency and sincerity will have a profound effect on the people you lead.

10. As a rule (and there are always exceptions) amphibs (LPD, LHD, LSD, LHA) are more laid back than cru/des (DDG, CG, FFG). Choose wisely.

11. Never underestimate quality of life.

12. The biggest factor that keeps people in the Navy is fear of moving on. Don’t wait until a year out to decide what you want to do after you get out (if you decide to), it’s a big life change and you need to be VERY well prepared.

13. The happiest officers are well-rounded. Make your outside interests a priority and don’t feel that your job has to define who you are.

14. Your mission as an officer can be broken down into one simple phrase: right the wrongs.

15. When it comes to being smart with money there are two kinds of people, those who spend their 2/c loan and those who don’t.

16. At any given command there are a handful of finically savvy Sailors who can teach you how to maximize your income, find them and you will save thousands of dollars over your career (hint: they are usually enlisted and have been in for 10+ years).

17. Just because the Navy encourages you to take leave during stand down doesn’t mean you should. Save up your leave and take time off when YOU want to.

18. Never underestimate quality of life.

19. When a junior officer gets promoted, grab his/her shoulder boards for when you’ll need them, that shit is expensive!

20. The thrift shop on base can save you a lot of money, but 98% of people don’t use it.

21. Hire a good tax professional your FIRST year as an officer and the knowledge you will learn about how to get the most out of your taxes will be worth thousands of dollars over your career & life.

22. Encourage the people who work for you to pursue their degree while they work through Tuition Assitance. The Navy & Marine Corps offers a lot of money for classes, but only for those who ask for it.

23. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” Even the youngest Sailor or Marine can teach you something. The ability to recognize potential will always be the mark of a great leader.

24. If you get stationed in San Diego, take your division/platoon to LA and go to the Price Is Right. Tickets are free and they love when sailors & marines show up in uniform (i.e. one of you will get picked to bid on the items).

25. Clothes were meant to be tailored, accept the fact that you’re not as small as you were plebe year and stop torturing yourself.

26. As an officer you have a golden opportunity to save money. Use the allotment system that mypay (DFAS) offers. For example, if I were to start over again as an Ensign, I would live off 0-1 pay and set up allotments to save the extra money you make as your pay increases. By doing that alone you can save $50,000 in 5 years. By saving during deployments and investing your money wisely you can have even more.

27. When you see your division or platoon out at a bar, buy them a round of drinks then move on, don’t linger.

28. Don’t cut chow lines just because you can.

29. Medical is not the enemy anymore. If you have a problem, get it looked at. Down the road when you get out or retire the problems you document add up to compensation for disability, but only if you document them.

30. Never accept the answer “that’s the way it’s always done”. There are a lot of bad habits out there and it’s your job to fix them. Right the wrongs.

31. Don’t be afraid to be that JO who makes connections with higher ups, especially admirals. It’s lonely at the top and they will appreciate your honesty and courage to engage them in meaningful conversation.

32. Buy a stack of thank you notes and use them often.

33. Be yourself. Having a different personality at work may seem natural, but it’s harmful in the long run (no matter how much it may please your current boss). The only way to have a truly happy and fulfilling career, be it 5 years or 30 years is to BE YOURSELF, and never apologize for it. It’s possibly the most difficult thing to accomplish and you’ll get a lot of shit from cowards who want you to fit in, but keep the faith, all great leaders develop this quality.

34. The Naval Academy has high standards of physical fitness, the fleet has very low standards. Take time to work out everyday and encourage your people to do the same, even if it doesn’t seem like the normal thing to do.

35. Chances are wherever you get stationed you’ll have classmates and friends close by (on the same base). Take some time out of the workday and just go visit them, sometimes they’ll even be just across the pier.

36. Maintaining relationships is important.

37. Not being a group one major isn’t a crime, don’t be fooled into thinking you should be an engineer. Study what you’re interested in.

38. Don’t forget why you signed up. It’s different for everyone, and it’s easy to forget your purpose in a sea of paperwork and office politics. I joined for the chance to lead and inspire others, and at the end of the day, no qualification, pin, FITREP or award was ever worth giving that up for.

Why I brag a lot

It may seem like to some people I “brag” a lot, meaning I highlight the awesome areas of my life in an effort to make others feel bad.  I don’t see it that way.  To me, I love inspiring people, and by showing some of the cool things I do, I want people to understand that I’m no different from them, everything I have, they can have too, it’s just a matter of working to achieve it.  Tim Ferriss, the author of The Four Hour Workweek is one of my favorite people in the world because he inspired me to live a better life.  If you look at his blog, many times it’s not filled with advice, but rather stories of really cool things he’s done. 

You know how to get what you want, it’s just a question of motivation.

Toastmasters

A few weeks ago I joined a group called Toastmasters International, it's a group of people that meet weekly to improve public speaking skills. Doesn't sound like much, but what I really like about it is the gathering of a bunch of like-minded folks who are all interested in making themselves better.  Almost everyone can benefit from being a better public speaker, and from what I've seen, Toastmasters does a fantastic job of teaching it. 

Take a look at what they do at www.toastmasters.org

New Years Resolutions 2009

READ 24 BOOKS.  2 books a month.

PLAY 130 SHOWS.  About 11 a month, can include open mics.

HAVE 600 YOUTUBE SUBSCRIBERS.  By 2010.

PLAY 2 BIG VENUES.  Belly Up/Genghis Cohen/Hotel Cafe.

MAKE 156 BLOG POSTS.  Write 3 blog posts a week.

DRAW 50 IN SAN DIEGO.

MAILING LIST TO 1500.  At least 700 in San Diego.

BREATHING EXERCISES DAILY.

MAKE A SIGNIFICANT IMPACT ON THE SAN DIEGO MUSIC SCENE.

BRING LUNCH TO WORK.  4 days a week.

LEARN CONVERSATIONAL SPANISH.  Practice in San Diego.