Things I Wish They Told Me at The Naval Academy

Ok… for those folks wondering, before I adopted the luxurious lifestyle of an entrepreneur & dating coach with no alarm clock, I spent 5 years as an officer in the Navy, along with 4 years at the Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD (where I had many alarm clocks). This is a list I started 5 years ago and I’m happy to say that after much input and editing, I narrowed my list to 38 ideas, lessons learned and general good advice. Many of these are principles of leadership that can apply in any occupation, I hope you enjoy reading them.

***Update: November 3, 2010.  As of this date, this post has been read by over 10,000 people, and has connected me with everyone from parents to air force & army officers to friends of the Naval Academy family.  I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity to inspire others, thanks to those who shared this post with so many friends.  I can be reached by email at davebooda@gmail.com or on facebook.  Good luck in the fleet!

Things I Wish They Told Me at USNA

By Dave Boodakian, 29th Company c/o 2005

1. Service selection is less about the job and more about the people you’ll be around. Instead of asking what it’s like to fly a jet or drive a ship ask yourself what it’s like to work with pilots and ship drivers.

2. If you like all work and no play, go subs.

3. Don’t become a Nuke SWO for the money.

3A. DO NOT become a Nuke SWO for the money.

4. In the Navy, Jet pilots are uptight and helo pilots are laid-back, in the Marines, the opposite is true. No one knows why, but it’s true.

5. Don’t let anyone know you are getting out until you drop the letter, no matter how much you want to talk about it.

6. Picking Nofolk over San Diego is like turning down a one night stand with Jessica Alba, don’t be silly.

7. If you choose Japan, be prepared to spend most of your tour out to sea.

8. Be extremely generous with your Navy cash card. The sodas and snacks you buy for your people will go a long way.

9. Once a week, pull one of your Sailors/Marines aside and talk with the sole intention of telling him/her how much you appreciate what he/she does. This one act, done with consistency and sincerity will have a profound effect on the people you lead.

10. As a rule (and there are always exceptions) amphibs (LPD, LHD, LSD, LHA) are more laid back than cru/des (DDG, CG, FFG). Choose wisely.

11. Never underestimate quality of life.

12. The biggest factor that keeps people in the Navy is fear of moving on. Don’t wait until a year out to decide what you want to do after you get out (if you decide to), it’s a big life change and you need to be VERY well prepared.

13. The happiest officers are well-rounded. Make your outside interests a priority and don’t feel that your job has to define who you are.

14. Your mission as an officer can be broken down into one simple phrase: right the wrongs.

15. When it comes to being smart with money there are two kinds of people, those who spend their 2/c loan and those who don’t.

16. At any given command there are a handful of finically savvy Sailors who can teach you how to maximize your income, find them and you will save thousands of dollars over your career (hint: they are usually enlisted and have been in for 10+ years).

17. Just because the Navy encourages you to take leave during stand down doesn’t mean you should. Save up your leave and take time off when YOU want to.

18. Never underestimate quality of life.

19. When a junior officer gets promoted, grab his/her shoulder boards for when you’ll need them, that shit is expensive!

20. The thrift shop on base can save you a lot of money, but 98% of people don’t use it.

21. Hire a good tax professional your FIRST year as an officer and the knowledge you will learn about how to get the most out of your taxes will be worth thousands of dollars over your career & life.

22. Encourage the people who work for you to pursue their degree while they work through Tuition Assitance. The Navy & Marine Corps offers a lot of money for classes, but only for those who ask for it.

23. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” Even the youngest Sailor or Marine can teach you something. The ability to recognize potential will always be the mark of a great leader.

24. If you get stationed in San Diego, take your division/platoon to LA and go to the Price Is Right. Tickets are free and they love when sailors & marines show up in uniform (i.e. one of you will get picked to bid on the items).

25. Clothes were meant to be tailored, accept the fact that you’re not as small as you were plebe year and stop torturing yourself.

26. As an officer you have a golden opportunity to save money. Use the allotment system that mypay (DFAS) offers. For example, if I were to start over again as an Ensign, I would live off 0-1 pay and set up allotments to save the extra money you make as your pay increases. By doing that alone you can save $50,000 in 5 years. By saving during deployments and investing your money wisely you can have even more.

27. When you see your division or platoon out at a bar, buy them a round of drinks then move on, don’t linger.

28. Don’t cut chow lines just because you can.

29. Medical is not the enemy anymore. If you have a problem, get it looked at. Down the road when you get out or retire the problems you document add up to compensation for disability, but only if you document them.

30. Never accept the answer “that’s the way it’s always done”. There are a lot of bad habits out there and it’s your job to fix them. Right the wrongs.

31. Don’t be afraid to be that JO who makes connections with higher ups, especially admirals. It’s lonely at the top and they will appreciate your honesty and courage to engage them in meaningful conversation.

32. Buy a stack of thank you notes and use them often.

33. Be yourself. Having a different personality at work may seem natural, but it’s harmful in the long run (no matter how much it may please your current boss). The only way to have a truly happy and fulfilling career, be it 5 years or 30 years is to BE YOURSELF, and never apologize for it. It’s possibly the most difficult thing to accomplish and you’ll get a lot of shit from cowards who want you to fit in, but keep the faith, all great leaders develop this quality.

34. The Naval Academy has high standards of physical fitness, the fleet has very low standards. Take time to work out everyday and encourage your people to do the same, even if it doesn’t seem like the normal thing to do.

35. Chances are wherever you get stationed you’ll have classmates and friends close by (on the same base). Take some time out of the workday and just go visit them, sometimes they’ll even be just across the pier.

36. Maintaining relationships is important.

37. Not being a group one major isn’t a crime, don’t be fooled into thinking you should be an engineer. Study what you’re interested in.

38. Don’t forget why you signed up. It’s different for everyone, and it’s easy to forget your purpose in a sea of paperwork and office politics. I joined for the chance to lead and inspire others, and at the end of the day, no qualification, pin, FITREP or award was ever worth giving that up for.

What I’ve Learned About Happiness

Happiness is THE hardest thing in life to achieve.  It’s not a big house you can buy and it’s not an amount of money you can make.  It’s not a sleek car, or an attractive spouse.  It’s intangible, and once you find it you don’t necessarily get to keep it. 

How do we find it?  The answer is different for everyone.  We all have our own desires, needs and dreams.  Happiness for some can mean becoming a master chief in the Navy, for others it can mean having the freedom to surf twice a day.  It may be raising children and being a devoted parent, or successfully opening your own business.  Whatever the result, happiness will always be the progressive realization of a worthy and personally fulfilling ideal.  I’ll say that again because it’s important.

Happiness is the progressive realization of a worthy and personally fulfilling ideal.

Pick something you want to do then work towards achieving it.  Sounds easy enough, right?  The problem is, when we take a look around, we find that 95% of people don’t do it.  Sure there are moments when things are going great, but most people are either living by someone else’s standards or not measuring up to their own.

So how do we achieve happiness?  Unfortunately that’s not easy either.  However, realizing that it’s difficult is the first step.  If it were easy, everyone would do it.  There is one term that stands out in my mind above all else.  HUSTLE.  Hustle is the difference between people who want it and people who get it.

How can hustle help us achieve our goals and lead us to happiness? While I was in the Navy it became clear to me that I wanted to pursue a career in music, so in 2006 I decided to hustle. I used to joke that my day began when I got off work, because in my mind, I was focused and dedicated to not just thinking about building a music career, but DOING it. Sometimes I would leave during lunch to go to voice lessons, other times I would just use the down time, underway and in port to read and study about my future career. There was a lot of work to be done, and I wanted it bad. When I moved from San Diego to New Orleans in the summer of 2008 instead of driving straight to my destination I booked a tour. I played in Phoenix, Amarillo, Oklahoma City, Kansas City and Austin. In the 6 months I lived in New Orleans I played in Austin twice, San Antonio, Dallas, Mobile twice, Monroe twice, Jacksonville 3 times and Key West. One story that I’m always hesitant to tell is about a gig in Austin on a Sunday night. I had the chance to play a showcase that I knew was going to be a great way to connect with a lot of the talented musicians that lived there but I couldn’t take Monday off from work. I knew I could do it, but I’d have to drive through the night to make it back to New Orleans, which was 8 hours away. Three red bulls, 2 snickers bars and a quick nap later I drove into work Monday morning after playing at the club in Austin Sunday night. Why did I do it? Simple. I WANTED it. It wasn’t pretty but the gig was amazing and I still keep in touch with the musicians I met that night. (Note: this was a LAST resort and I slept almost the whole day prior to that night, I don’t EVER recommend driving while fatigued or tired)

In the four years since I decided to truly make music my focus, I’ve taken my free time and directed it toward playing gigs, writing songs and contributing as much as I can to the music community I’ve become a part of in San Diego and Los Angeles.  In 5 years active duty I played gigs in over 20 different states, met and connected with hundreds of musicians across the country and got signed to an artist development deal with a management company, not to mention being a part of two deployments with the Navy.  Towards the end of my time in the service I was playing an average of 10 gigs per month, some months as many as 15, all with 6 day duty rotation and a busy ship’s schedule.  I can now make $2,000-$3,000 a month just playing music.  Hustle.  If I can do it, anyone can.

There is a quote from Henry David Thoreau that resonates with me.  He said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”  I think about that EVERY DAY.  What does that mean to us?  It means if we take only what is given and become like the silent majority, we will be left wanting more.  This is a scary idea, because chances are what you want to do is not the norm, and achieving that will take you well outside your comfort zone.  You must be prepared for discomfort, and embrace uncertainty.  You MUST be different.

My biggest fear in life is REGRET.  Regret that I never took enough chances, regret that I felt the need to feel “safe”, regret that I didn’t do everything I possibly could to be whom I was meant to be.  Think about that for a second.  Be whom you are meant to be.  You know it when you look in the mirror, you dream about it at night.  Everyone thinks about being the man or woman they were meant to be, but most people can’t overcome the fear and BECOME it.  Your time is now, because soon you’ll be gone.

Not everyone will die happy.  This is the sad truth that you don’t see in movies or read about in magazines.  As you lay on your deathbed years and years from now you won’t look back and wish you had spent more time at the office, and you won’t have the chance to go back and spend more time doing what you love and with people you care about.  If you go through life as a victim, taking what comes to you and adjusting your standard of happiness to whatever is easiest at the time, your legacy will be someone who settled, someone who always played things safe, someone who never pushed themselves to be extraordinary.  You only get one shot at life, and then you die.  It’s as simple as that.

How do you want to be remembered?

Yes I am a Pirate, 200 Years Too Late

One of my favorite songs is Jimmy Buffett’s “Pirate Looks At Forty”.  I’ve often joked that it will be a bit surreal the day I turn 40 and then find myself singing the song (still have a long way to go before that happens).  What I really love about the song is I think it really sums up what life is like for most of us in the Navy, especially those of us working on ships.  Long gone are the days of Leyte Gulf and fighting the Japanese fleet over the horizon.  Even though we’ve moved on to more peaceful times, many Naval Officers still live in that romantic World War 2 era and fantasize about big guns and sailing their ships into harms way.  “Cannons don’t thunder, there’s nothing to plunder, I’m an over-forty victim of fate.”

Hopefully you’ve gotten the chance to see me perform this song live, because I do it at almost every bar I play at.  Take a look at the lyrics, it’s a beautiful song.

Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call
Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall
You’ve seen it all, you’ve seen it all

Watched the men who rode you switch from sails to steam
And in your belly you hold the treasures few have ever seen
Most of ‘em dream, most of ‘em dream

Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late
The cannons don’t thunder, there’s nothin’ to plunder
I’m an over-forty victim of fate
Arriving too late, arriving too late

I’ve done a bit of smugglin’, I’ve run my share of grass
I made enough money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast
Never meant to last, never meant to last

And I have been drunk now for over two weeks
I passed out and I rallied and I sprung a few leaks
But I got stop wishin’, got to go fishin’
Down to rock bottom again
Just a few friends, just a few friends

I go for younger women, lived with several awhile
Though I ran ‘em away, they’d come back one day
Still could manage to smile
Just takes a while, just takes a while

Mother, mother ocean, after all the years I’ve found
My occupational hazard being my occupation’s just not around
I feel like I’ve drowned, gonna head uptown
I feel like I’ve drowned, gonna go downtown